Photos

I found a pile of old photos this morning. Of course they are photos of my kids. They were taken around six years ago, when the kids were 8, 5, and 2. In these photos, the kids are looking at each other, or one isn't looking at the camera, or the picture itself is off center. In some of them, someone is crying or pouting, and refusing to smile for the camera. I deemed this pile of photos not good enough to make it into the family album at the time, but as I look at them today, six years later, I realize they are more than perfect. They capture what the "perfect" album photos do not: reality.

Some of the photos I found were attempts to take a picture for our Christmas card. I remember how uncooperative the kids were being. One sat, two ran away. Two sat, one pulled off his tie; I remember sweating profusely! I was so concerned with getting the perfect photo, but what was I trying to do really? Was I trying to show the world an image of my life that didn't truly exist? Three perfectly coordinated outfits, on three freshly scrubbed, obedient children was not easy to achieve. Even on those occasions when I did get the shot, it wasn't reality. Five minutes later they had pulled off their itchy clothes and were screaming like maniacs again. I would never have dreamed of snapping a picture then!

A photo really is just a jump start for memories. Sometimes, looking at photos can make you happy. If you are re-living a vacation or a family celebration, this is usually the case. Other times, it can make you sad, as it did for me today. I wished I could just jump right back into those photos for a day knowing what I know now, that the frustration I felt when they wouldn't all sit still would one day seem silly. I know that the weariness I felt just parenting three young kids eventually goes away, only to be replaced with a new kind of tired as they grow older and have bigger needs. I wish I could go back and truly appreciate the moment, and not worry so much about the darn picture. I wish I could just hug their little bodies again.

They say a picture is worth a thousand words, but they don't tell you that some of those words just may be, "It took me an hour to get this photo!" I feel lucky to have found these "imperfect" photos from a time when I didn't have a digital camera. Nowadays, we can see when a picture didn't come out as we had hoped, and delete it on the spot. Maybe we should all be a little more selective before we hit that delete button, though. Some of those imperfect photos may have captured what we usually don't think to capture: real, uncensored moments in our lives.

Life is made up of a lot of "big" moments. Usually, these big ones get photographed and shown to friends and family. But there are many "not so big" moments that blend together as a mother struggles to find the strength to make it through each day. We find ourselves under mounds of laundry, housework, and bills. We have groceries to buy, and meals to cook. Diapers need to be changed, and car pools driven. We usually don't take our cameras out for those events. But that is real life. And do you know what? I think our kids are going to remember many more of those moments than anything else.

Think about your own life. I truly don't remember each and every family Communion or Easter from my childhood, even though I have have photos of those days. But I remember the tray of freshly baked cookies, and the shoes my dad used to wear. I remember seeing my mom at the kitchen sink each night as she cleaned up after dinner. I can close my eyes right now and feel my mother's cheek on my forehead and see the concern in her eyes as she checked me for fever, and I don't have a photo of any of those things!

So if you are a young mom, take some advice from a veteran: Don't worry about capturing the perfect scene, with perfect hair and smiles. Enjoy living the ordinary moments as they happen, because years from now you won't need a picture to remember them. That's the truth.