Cousins

My dad was one of eight children. Two of his brothers passed away when he was young: Saverio, as a child, and Vincent (Jimmy), in WWII. The remaining 6 siblings stayed close, all living most of their lives on Long Island: Rose, Lena, Vito (Bill), Nick, Sal, and my dad, Joe. Together they had 21 children. The sad truth is that these days I only see most of my extended family at wakes and weddings, and the former is the most common. We always promise to get together more often, but we are all so busy with our own lives that it rarely happens. I have lost two more uncles and an aunt already, and my own parents are in their eighties. It is starting to seem more important that we get our family together a bit more often. In that spirit, my sister held a "reunion" at her home for my aunts, uncles, and cousins last month.

Cousins are very special relatives, in my opinion. Cousins aren't in your face every day growing up the way a brother or sister is, therefore, you really don't have a chance to get on each other's nerves. However, because our parents are siblings, we have similar traditions. When I see my cousins, I am brought right back to my childhood, when our families would visit on Sundays. Times were different, and Sundays were sacred. Back then there wasn't any soccer, t-ball, flag football, or the myriad of things I know take up my own Sundays. There wasn't any rushing around to get the grocery shopping done either, because most stores weren't even open on Sundays. So people actually visited one another!

Our families got together and there was always a huge meal. We had small houses, so the kids didn't fit at the dining table. No one stressed about it, or put a huge addition on the house, we just had a kids' table set up somewhere else. There was always someone to play with, and boy, did we have fun! We played in the backyard, caught fireflies, toasted marshmallows on charcoal grills, and swam in above ground pools. We came inside only if the weather was bad, and played in the basement for hours. There were no electronics to distract us from interacting with one another. We loved every minute of it. It was perfect, but as is often the case in life, you really don't know what you have until it's gone.

I got very emotional when I saw one of my cousins in particular at the party. Anthony is my age, and we played together a lot while we were growing up. It seems that we visited his house the most. My dad would put my purple, hand-me-down bike with the banana seat in the trunk of his Chevelle, and off we would go to my cousins' house. There were five kids in that family, so it was always a lot of fun. They had a huge backyard where we spent many hours, making up all sorts of games. They had a big, above ground pool, and we swam for hours. My Aunt Maureen was the best cook in the world, and there was always more than enough food. I have the best memories of sitting cross-legged in front of their coffee table in the living room, eating dinner with my cousins. I swear I can still taste her roast beef and mashed potatoes right now. Sadly, my Aunt Maureen and Uncle Sal both passed away at an early age, and their passing left a huge gap in our family.

My dad and his brothers all look alike, so when my cousin Anthony and his brothers saw my dad at this party we just had, I could see them becoming emotional. They hugged and kissed my dad, and that scene nearly pushed me over the edge. It was like they were seeing part of their dad again.

Anthony looks like his dad as well, and has so many of his mannerisms that I found myself staring at him. We have a similar sense of humor, and when I see him, I feel like I'm ten again, and I act sort of goofy. We tease each other, and I remember all the games we used to play. I think I hugged him twenty times at my sister's house, as if the hugging would somehow transport us back to the time when we were young, and we didn't need to really think about much of anything, especially jobs, mortgages, and aging and deceased parents.

Seeing all my cousins again was a reality check. We are growing older, some of us have married children, and one is even a grandmother! My cousins and I are moving up a rung on that ladder of mortality. Our parents have either passed or are old. Those carefree days of being a child are way over for us, and those no-rush Sundays a thing of the past. Our families didn't have a lot, but it felt like we did. We had what was important. I kind of mourn the loss of those days, and wonder if my kids will look back on their childhood with the same sense of peace I do mine, despite this "gotta have it, gotta make it bigger, gotta get more of it" world.

Another cousin's daughter got married last weekend, so I got to see a few of my cousins again. When I said goodbye to my cousin Anthony, I felt really sad. I told him I didn't want to wait a whole year before I saw him again. He's got a great wife and two sons, and I have my own family. We will get busy again with life, and we probably won't see each other for a long while. But when I do see him, and all my other cousins, I will once again be reminded of who I was when I was small. I will recall a time when all of our parents were young and healthy, and life was not nearly as complicated as it is now. And I'll definitely hug him again.

Do you have special memories of your cousins?